Oh goodness, it has been almost three weeks since my last post. I anticipated this would happen with the onset of the new semester. Sadly, my blogging time has been eaten up by another online time consumer- my classes. Native American Lit, and Maine in the Revolutionary War. Two classes that I wouldnt have chosen had I been free to enroll in whatever sparked my fancy (and fulfilled requirments, of course.) Alas, my options were seriously limited due to the fact that I wasnt ready to schlep back up to the University quite yet, as I'd need to find a place, or person for my littlest one. So, although I've lost the time in the evenings where I could sit and ponder life as a young mom trying to pursue her educational and occupational dreams, and muse about it on my own personal platform, now I'm spending most of that time (should be doing it as now,) actually doing the aforementioned. Thanks to the advent of online classes, I'm creeeeping a little closer to that elusive degree.
Here's to all the non trad moms out there, I know a couple of you that read this blog from time to time. I hope you can still find time to do so now that the semester has commenced once again. I want to tell you a few things that I want to hear myself. First, whether you're working on your first degree, or doing graduate work, or changing careers, or learning a new trade- YOU ARE WORTH IT. You're worth the money it costs, worth the time you're spending- yes, away from your kids. Going to school after having children, even if they're in school, or out of the house altogether, can never be quite the same as your first post secondary go-round was becuase back then, there was only number one to consider. Finding time to take classes and do the homework as a mom is one hundred times harder, and comes complete with guilt, which leads me to my next point:
Has someone, your mom, the elderly lady in the grocery store perhaps, told you, "they're only little once, just enjoy it," or something to that effect. We know this, don't we? Our children are gifts from God, precious, amazing, fun, hilarious, little miracles that we know inside and out, would dive in front of a UPS truck for. We can feel how they slip a bit futher away from us each day they get older. Are we then, supposed to do nothing but care for them, stare at them, follow them around relentlessly soaking up their littleness? No, it makes no sense to forsake our identities as people, women becuase we love our kids. Many of us stay home with them and devote the majority of our waking moments to them, and sacrifice many of what would otherwise have been non waking moments for their care. We all know that maternal sanity is a good thing for children. I'd like to go a little further and suggest that all moms have something of their "own" going at all times even during pregnancy and their children's babyhood. Maybe that means a beloved career. Maybe it's yoga. For some of us, it's going back to school. It's not self centered, and it CAN'T wait until "the kids are in school." Even if it's one stinkin' class at a stinkin' time. It's our own, and it's important. Our babies will learn that they are worth striving for their goals by our examples.
Finally, fellow non trad Mommas, cut yourself a break on the A complex. Going to school on one's own terms is such a different experience than being forced into it. We're making huge sacrifices, right? We want engaging classes, caring and dedicated professors. This crap's not cheap! It IS okay, however, to maintain less than a 4.0 from time to time. It's a one of those priority juggling games, just like a day at home with the kids. If the housework slips a little, bah, your dust will keep. If you fudge a few assignments in order to keep up with the workload, and momload, don't feel discouraged. Keep the big picture in mind. If your baby wakes and cries while you're doing homework, go to her if you can, and if you must send your husband, don't beat yourself up.
Week by week, class by class, year by year. Don't give up. Be gentle with yourself. Your educational goals are no less important than the perpetual goal of being the best mother you can be. Thanks for reading.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Friday, September 2, 2011
You Are What You Say You Are
I've been thinking about labels lately. Clicking my way farther into this rabbit hole that is blogging, I've been joining blogging or writing networking sites like Blogher, and Shewrites, and WOW Women on Writing. To become a part of these sites, as with everything else associated with the internet, one must first create a user profile. They want pictures, links to Facebook pages and twitter feeds and blog websites. Date of birth, gender, shoe size, bra size, anything relevant, or completely irrelevant to the website's context. These profiles are just a bare bones outline of a person, cold and statistical, so to personalize it a bit, there's usually a text box at the bottom for any other information a person feels they'd like to share with the masses. Here's where people get philosophical and simply enter a good one liner quote, or perhaps ramble aimlessly, using poor grammar, about their six goldendoodles. Those approaches are both lost on me. I can't stand my cats and I don't know any good quotes. I keep wanting to share with the potential millions all about myself, my real self. I'm not sure why I've been so honest, and frankly, not very creative in those little text boxes about who I am- aspiring writer, closet hairstylist, pregnant when I got married- but for some reason, boiling my whole life, and self down to a few words, a few labels, has helped me to solidify who I feel I am, who I want to be, and how I wish others to perceive me. It is not unlike creating or updating a resume. We want to present our best, most accomplished and focused selves to potential employers, so we write down only the things (presumably true) which serve that purpose. Only, I'm not hoping to be hired or paid by anyone, just hoping to be liked, to sound interesting, and real and relatable and genuine. For some people pinpointing interests is difficult, choosing a career path is ambiguous, and finding a sense of self is ever elusive. When you feel like the plastic bag blowing in the wind, it is hard to commit to only a few words to encapsulate yourself. But words are funny, and can be as empowering as they are limiting.
Motherhood was the first real thing, other than being human, American, female etc., that offered me a solid foothold in any particular category. This label is one I'm most proud of, most terrified by, most embroiled in and most changed by. But what makes me a mother? The fact that I gave birth to my daughters? Any woman who has adopted children would say no. Then, am I a mother because I care for my children all day long instead of working? Or is it because I understand the type of love that says I must put another's needs ahead of my own hopes and desires? Becoming a mom was the first thing that grounded me, gave me an identity, and a purpose. It is the first thing that I enter into that little text box.
The next thing I write is non-traditional student. I guess this is because I want people to surmise that I am older than age nineteen, as a mother of two, and therefore, a person who bears more credibility and writes things worth reading. And it's tough to admit, but I think I want people to know that I am pursuing (still) my college degree because I am smart enough, and motivated enough to do so. Those are the reasons I'm less than proud of, but I also put my non trad status near the top because I am proud to be prioritizing my education amongst raising children, providing an example thusly.
After these two, lately, I've been writing aspiring writer. This one is interesting, in our age of social media promotion and networking, and viral web videos. There are slews of people calling themselves photographers who may not have any formal training or education, but have an amazing talent for taking captivating photographs. They are making money doing sessions, taking pictures-therefore, I suppose, they are photographers. So why am I an aspiring writer? No, I am a writer. And someone who loves to sing? Well, then, they are a singer. What about someone who says they are an artist? A Runner? A teacher? Is money the piece that determines one's authenticity within a given label? Or do labels more often originate from how a person is perceived by the rest of the world? Perhaps is it the belief a person holds about herself that makes the label authentic. What if the the world label, and the self label do not match- which one is true?
The power of words is immeasurable on many levels. Words that we say to others and to ourselves, can hurt us, or build us up. Words can be heavy with layers of meaning, or empty and superficial. Labels we give ourselves help us to define ourselves and present an image to the world. Labels we give others, or that others give to us are often judgmental and inaccurate based on first impressions, appearances and lack of information. The exact meaning of a label is slippery and depends entirely on perspective as to whether it is a phony, or authentic one. Although, for example, I do not wish to present a falsehood to the world that I am a published, six (or even five, or four,) figure earning author, when I choose to put "writer" in my list of labels, I do feel it is important to identify myself as such if I am going to be pursuing a writing career. Who is to say the woman who went to a fancy art school is any more artist than her stay at home mom counterpart who's paintings can take your breath away?
So let's be careful and kind with the labels we all hand out, in our heads, or aloud, but let's all be as bold as we dare when we begin to label ourselves. Call it out to the world what ever it is you want to be. If you did not give birth, but raise(d) children- you are a mother! If it takes you 13 minutes to run a mile, but you're consistent, then, dammit, you're a runner! Let's remember to be proud of who we know we are, and who we hope to become, and in doing so, empower others to do the same.
Motherhood was the first real thing, other than being human, American, female etc., that offered me a solid foothold in any particular category. This label is one I'm most proud of, most terrified by, most embroiled in and most changed by. But what makes me a mother? The fact that I gave birth to my daughters? Any woman who has adopted children would say no. Then, am I a mother because I care for my children all day long instead of working? Or is it because I understand the type of love that says I must put another's needs ahead of my own hopes and desires? Becoming a mom was the first thing that grounded me, gave me an identity, and a purpose. It is the first thing that I enter into that little text box.
The next thing I write is non-traditional student. I guess this is because I want people to surmise that I am older than age nineteen, as a mother of two, and therefore, a person who bears more credibility and writes things worth reading. And it's tough to admit, but I think I want people to know that I am pursuing (still) my college degree because I am smart enough, and motivated enough to do so. Those are the reasons I'm less than proud of, but I also put my non trad status near the top because I am proud to be prioritizing my education amongst raising children, providing an example thusly.
After these two, lately, I've been writing aspiring writer. This one is interesting, in our age of social media promotion and networking, and viral web videos. There are slews of people calling themselves photographers who may not have any formal training or education, but have an amazing talent for taking captivating photographs. They are making money doing sessions, taking pictures-therefore, I suppose, they are photographers. So why am I an aspiring writer? No, I am a writer. And someone who loves to sing? Well, then, they are a singer. What about someone who says they are an artist? A Runner? A teacher? Is money the piece that determines one's authenticity within a given label? Or do labels more often originate from how a person is perceived by the rest of the world? Perhaps is it the belief a person holds about herself that makes the label authentic. What if the the world label, and the self label do not match- which one is true?
The power of words is immeasurable on many levels. Words that we say to others and to ourselves, can hurt us, or build us up. Words can be heavy with layers of meaning, or empty and superficial. Labels we give ourselves help us to define ourselves and present an image to the world. Labels we give others, or that others give to us are often judgmental and inaccurate based on first impressions, appearances and lack of information. The exact meaning of a label is slippery and depends entirely on perspective as to whether it is a phony, or authentic one. Although, for example, I do not wish to present a falsehood to the world that I am a published, six (or even five, or four,) figure earning author, when I choose to put "writer" in my list of labels, I do feel it is important to identify myself as such if I am going to be pursuing a writing career. Who is to say the woman who went to a fancy art school is any more artist than her stay at home mom counterpart who's paintings can take your breath away?
So let's be careful and kind with the labels we all hand out, in our heads, or aloud, but let's all be as bold as we dare when we begin to label ourselves. Call it out to the world what ever it is you want to be. If you did not give birth, but raise(d) children- you are a mother! If it takes you 13 minutes to run a mile, but you're consistent, then, dammit, you're a runner! Let's remember to be proud of who we know we are, and who we hope to become, and in doing so, empower others to do the same.
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