First off, I'd like to extend a big, big Thank You to everyone who has taken the time to check out this humble little blog. Lifebythebeans has gotten well over 1,000 page views since its launch in June. I'm not sure what significance that has, if any, but it makes me feel cool! Thanks, also, for all your comment love on lifebythebean's facebook page. I 'like' you too!
Next bit of business is an update for those of you who've read "Little Home, Little Sleep." I got several pieces of advise as to how to negotiate the musical beds situation I was grappling with. Here's a chronological account of what happened: Little D graduated from family cradle, to pack n play at the foot of our bed. Family cradle goes into the attic. Feel sentimental. The "Cherry Red Bed" (an antique hospital bed painted this color,) returns from its hiatus at Grammy's, and goes into Big D's room. Crib gets broken down, and moved into the attic. I feel sentimental. I go shopping for new bedding and feel better. Big D sleeps successfully, and falls out of, cherry red bed. Little D gets crib trained one spontaneous night last week. Feeling hysterically sentimental, I call a friend for cry it out support. After 25 minutes, Little D sleeps 12 hours straight for the first time in seven months. Consequently, I too sleep for more than three hours uninterrupted for the first time in seven months. Next night, repeat. So, that's how it all played out. We've still got to move the baby into the crib, and get the two girls sharing a sleeping space, but, I think, I 'll hang out it this place we're in for a little while and enjoy it!
I was late posting this week because I've been doing two things that have taken a considerable amount of the little non-baby, non-work time that I have. Sleeping, and yoga. As mentioned above, the baby is sleeping (at least for now,) through the night. We've waited seven months for this. So has she, I suppose. I like to do a gentler modification of the Ferber method sleep training. Actually, I don't like it at all. It sucks. It is the most uncomfortable, counter-intuitive thing I've had to do as mother yet. Basically, you allow your baby to learn to self-sooth and cry herself to sleep. The idea is to offer reassurance to the baby every few minutes, with out picking her up, until she simply falls asleep. Each "check in" is extended a few more minutes from the last. I wrestled with much inner tumult when researching this method for Big D when she was about nine months old. I'd sworn to myself privately, and probably to anyone else who'd listen that I would never employ any version of the cry it out technique with my own children. I often found myself more closely aligned with attachment parenting philosophies and methods. I let both babies sleep in our bed for the sake of facilitating collective family sleeping. With both girls though, there came a point where nobody was sleeping. My husband and I taking turns bouncing the baby frantically, groping for the binky to stuff back into her mouth, readjusting her swaddle to pin her spastic arms to her sides, me attempting to nurse her back to sleep at all hours of the night, several times some nights. Even next to us, in the comfort of the "Big Bed," the baby wasn't sleeping anymore. She resisted being rocked to sleep, arching her back fiercely. "Put me the hell down," she must have been thinking. "Of course I'm going to cry when you do, I'm pissed I'm not asleep because you won't stop messing with me."
A random, particularly chaotic Wednesday night, with no advance discussion or planning, I decided to sleep train the baby the same way I'd done with her sister. My mother's intuition called an audible, and all of a sudden I was Ferbering the baby. I grabbed a beer, sat at the foot of the steps so I could torture myself listening to every last wail, noted the time, and blubbered. Every bone in my body ached to go get her, to quiet her cries, even as my mind told me that it wouldn't do any good. I called a friend who's had similar successful cry it out experiences (minus the intense guilt,) so she could reassure me of my worthiness as a human, deserving of sleep, and confirm the validity of my decision. By the time we got off the phone about twenty minutes later, the baby was asleep. The three of us that hadn't been sleeping soundly for seven months finally got a restful night's sleep. Twenty five minutes of crying was the price we all paid.
I know that sleep training works. I believe in the merits of teaching your baby how to self sooth. Making the decision to actually do it though, each time has left me incredibly conflicted. How can I be an attentive and nurturing mother if I ignore my child's cries? Will she remember that she can trust me to be there for her when she needs me? Does she think I don't love her anymore because I've thrown her to the pack n play wolves? The conclusions I've come to on this issue is that, all persons being rested, calm and happy is the number one priority of my household. All persons includes me. Not sleeping is the number one way to avoid being rested, calm and happy. Secondarily, all a baby knows is what you teach her. Like rolling over, crawling, feeding herself and potty training, she must figure out how to fall asleep, eventually, on her own. If it sounds like I'm still trying to convince myself, well, that's probably the case. I'll never be completely comfortable with the decision to let my baby cry as she falls asleep, but I believe strongly in mother's intuition, and after three nights of solid family sleep, I think it was the right decision, at the right time for all of us.
Well, I've elaborated enough I think, for one posting. I'm excited to share my thoughts on beginning a yoga practice, too, but all this parenting stuff keeps crowding my brain. Also, watch for my weekly "Grateful-for's" post, and do not be shy in participating with your own!!
Thank you, as always, for taking the time to read. Be Beansie!
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