Little Home, Little Sleep

I am seriously wondering how people, a couple of generations ago, lived in small homes and had several children, or even just two. Let me be a bit more specific: I am wondering how parents got their children to fall asleep and stay asleep when faced with challenges like common sleeping spaces, varying bed times and thin walls. For my generation, the American dream home now includes three to four bedrooms, two baths, a fully applianced kitchen, a double bay garage with a car nestled  in each one, and enough square footage to spread out comfortably. Three years ago when my husband and I purchased our first home, we were baffled at how a young couple could possibly afford a home with these features. We didn't want to make a short-sighted decision, but were essentially forced, due to our budget, to buy a hundred year old, 1100 square foot, two bed, one bath, fixer. The home was small, old, and ugly, but, had no structural issues, a new furnace and windows, and I thought the cosmetic work it needed would be "fun."  I was eight months pregnant, nesting instinct raging, and wanted to be in a house- even this house.

We've made our ugly little house into a sweet, comfortable home since we bought it, and other than it's hundred year history of DIY quirkiness, it's really quite endearing, and suitable for us for the time being. Except for... the tiny little matter of sleeping. When we planned to have a second child, we discussed the issue of the girls sharing a bedroom. My husband shared a bedroom with one of his brothers for years. I didn't for a moment question the feasibility of two little girls sharing a cute little periwinkle-polka-dot room for a few years until we were in a position to upgrade.

When my oldest daughter was learning to sleep through the night in her own crib, in her own room, my husband and I were the only ones who had to endure the terrible (although short lived) cries of her sleep training. In a few months, it will be time for our second daughter to start working on actually sleeping through the night, and we'll have to figure out a way to allow that to happen with out disturbing our older daughter's slumber. The baby has already out grown her newborn cradle and is ready for her crib, which her sister, who is ready for her big girl bed, is still using because I am not sure how to strategically place everyone in our tiny house for minimum sleep interruption!

Last night I came home from work around 7:45. Both girls asleep. Number one upstairs in her crib, number two in her car seat in the corner of the dark kitchen. Nodding approvingly at my husband's bedtime wizardry, I began to fix myself something to eat. Before I could take a bite, a typical series of events began to unfold. Big D "called down" as we say, for some milk, I went up with some. When I came back down, Little D, who had awakenend at her sister's bellow, was being swung vigorously by my husband in her car seat. She fell back asleep. This repeated two more times, as the master staller practiced her craft from her crib, each time waking up her sister. Finally Big D was truly asleep, and I took the baby upstairs and placed her gingerly into her cradle in our bedroom. I turned in around 10, my husband around 11, and the baby woke up for her first night time visit at 12:08. Then again at 3:24. Each time her grunts and moans sending us into a half asleep panicked scramble to get to her before she woke up her sister. That doesn't usually happen, but the anxiety is always there given that she is about five feet away on the other side of a very thin wall. This morning I woke up to a little voice at 5:52. Somehow Big D was in the bed, chipper as could be, persistently trying to get her father to "hide" under the covers with her. Little D, who had been in her cradle sleeping soundly, of course, woke up and wanted to eat. And like that, morning had broken! Each evening, night and morning is a variation of the preceding blue-print.

I called the realtor who helped us by this home to see what she thought we could list it for now, in today's market. She got back to me with a number that was 20 percent lower than the appraised value was three years ago, even with the cosmetic overhaul we'd done. After fuming for a while, then moping for a bit, my husband and I decided to just make peace with the fact that we'll be here in this small home for while longer. It's very easy to focus on what isn't right, and what we don't have. There are millions of people in the very same real estate boat right now, and the truth is that we should be grateful to have a home and jobs to pay the mortgage. As much as I genuinely feel this way, somehow, in the middle of the night, when one kid wakes up the other, I lose sight of it pretty quickly and curse my small house.

So for now, I'm waiting for that familiar dose of mother's intuition as to how to best handle the cradle-to-crib-to-big-girl-bed dilemma. Inevitably, eventually, the baby will sleep through the night which will simplify the matter. This too shall pass, my mother reminds me frequently. I know she is right, and I'll look back on this time in the not so distant future and smile nostalgically. I'm praying for patience and creativity in overcoming this parenting challenge. I'm confident that in time we will have a bigger home, but fin the mean time, I'm focusing on appreciating all that I do have, and cherishing the home we've created- even if sleep is in short supply.