If I was interviewing for a job at Super-Moms Will Rule the World Inc., I would have an impressive resume, polished to last detail, describing my many, many attributes of superness with respect to mothering and it would surely include, along with sections on harried multi-tasking, the speed shower, functioning on caffeine, and schlepping, a detailed list of all the things I can do one-handed. It would look something like this:
*I have advanced abilities utilizing coordination, balance and agility as demonstrated by the following list of tasks I can perform with mediocrity using only one of my hands. Things I can get done while holding my kid include, but are not limited to:
vacuuming
slicing cheese
peeing
emptying out a french press
making a bottle
taking a shower
making the bed
filling up a humidifier
folding laundry (no, not really this one, just kidding)
putting on and taking off my winter boots, the ones with zippers
loading and unloading the dishwasher
making mac and cheese
feeding the cats
putting away groceries
sweeping and mopping (engage the hips)
putting on socks
texting
pushing a shopping cart
applying mascara, and finally,
typing a blog post
Thank you for your consideration.
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